Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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