My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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