In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
