there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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