we have pet lesbian snakes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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