When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
