chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
