It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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