I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
