and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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