so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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