is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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