I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
