I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You left your phone here
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