we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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