Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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