Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
