ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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