could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
