It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I deserve this hangover.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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