i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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