i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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