Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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