ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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