you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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