I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
