Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
