My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
