Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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