All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
