Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize