Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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