I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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