Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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