all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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