So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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