census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
