You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
