Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
tell me about the fingering
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
