What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
