We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
