please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
