he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
