I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
