I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
