need another drink. this is the easiest way
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
