I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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