i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
