From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
