I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
