I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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