All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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