dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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