Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
