the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
