I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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