im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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