listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
