just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
