i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
