and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Boobs speak an international language.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
