my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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