Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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