I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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