He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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