i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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